Rarely would we entertain the thought that some Christians have their own drug of choice. Often, we only relate that to the drug addict, the sex addict, and the alcoholic. As I mentioned in a previous post, the thing these individuals have in common is 'Pain'. 

I have been in the Christian community for many years and I have seen much, but there is a malady that has picked up momentum and caused some destruction within the church. 

I have learned that whatever we didn't receive from our parents growing up, can greatly impact our adult lives if we are not careful. Not everyone is aware of why they do what they do in the way that they do it. Not all recognize that they have been functioning dysfunctionally.

Someone asked me a question once and I answered with all honesty. They asked me if a family could still have dysfunction within with both parents in the home. I answered, yes, it is possible. Dysfunction doesn't mean only one parent at home. It speaks to the emotional and physical availability of that parent/s.

If there is a single parent household that is missing the loving presence of a mother or father, that speaks to dysfunction within that family unit. There will be consequences felt by all due to the absence and lack of involvement of that parent. When there are both parents within the family, yet, one parent or both parents are unconcerned, lacking emotional support and love, that is a dysfunctional household. It simply means that that family and its offspring won't be able to flourish and grow as they aught. There is a disconnect that will impact the lives of the female children and the males under its roof.

I had a friend (RIP) who was divorced, but she was the best mom a child could have asked for. She sacrificed everything for her children. She gave and gave. She bent over backwards and then some, yet, her children struggled emotionally and psychologically. It didn't matter how good a parent she was. They are still reeling to this day, due to the physical and emotional absence of their father. A good mother cannot be a father!

Children not only need the presence of two parents, they need parents who love them and who are emotionally invested in them. This helps to ward off dysfunction.

So where am I going with all of this? We all need to be affirmed. We all need to be acknowledge for our very existence. Family dysfunction robs children of this. When they are affirmed, they receive the emotional support and encouragement they need to make it in this life. "The lack of one, or both parent's affirmation leaves some children to be emotionally crippled" (a quote I read, unknown author). This is so very true!

Children grow into adults who are either well adjusted or not. Dysfunctional children struggle with self esteem, insecurities, and a lack of confidence. They suffer from a lack of intimacy! Many of these individuals grow up to become valuable members in society, but there is always a cloud that hangs over them. When they don't get their way, or life isn't nice to them, you see the dysfunction rise to the surface. They always seem to be proving who they are and what they can bring to the table. Some are controlling and abusive, while others are manipulative.

This leads to my opening statement about Christians and their drug of choice. Not all of us have worked out our issues with God. Some are trying desperately hard to find love and acceptance through various ministry areas. It is the thought that being gifted or talented will bring the much needed attention and affirmation they need. This is a sad mistake. Although they may get to run that ministry area, it can never substitute for what they are lacking emotionally. 

The church has frequently been a place where people can hide out. We dress up, present the picture we want others to see, and we show our talent. When the crowd grows thin and the lights dim, we are left without our self worth. We revert right back into who we really are. For some, the drug of choice is being in the lime light, heading up ministries, and participating in anything that puts them in the forefront of the people. They are in great need of  intimacy.

The cure for all maladies, emotional and otherwise is an intimate relationship with God. You can be in a church all your life and never come into who God is and who you were to be in relation to Him. You can read your bible and pray often, yet be disconnected spiritually. It is possible. An intimate relationship with God requires your heart to be exposed with everything in it at all times. No secrets, no lies, no justifications, or hiding from God, is what is needed to find peace, contentment, and fulfillment. Many believers are living in unrest because they fail to be honest and upfront with God about their lives or the pain they're in. This results in hidden lifestyles, among other things. Some may justify things by the mere fact that they are a Christian, taking  that blanket and tossing it over their heads, thinking this makes everything alright, but it doesn't.

Satisfaction, gratification, and joy comes when we are living in our truth as it is open before God. We can now experience His peace, His healing, and His power. Without that, we're just an opening act that never gains its audience. People eventually see what is there to see. We are all transparent to some degree. It doesn't take long for people to see what your problem is. They end up walking away chalking you up to be just another attention seeker. They tolerate your presence and talk about you behind your back.

We have a duty to pray for those who are suffering from such addictions. Don't feed their drive for affirmation in unhealthy ways. Don't be intimidated by them either, just be an example before them. Leave God to handle them. If they are truly saved, they will have to come full circle sooner or later. If you are in a friendship with someone who struggles with this, love them enough to approach them about it.

A lack of affirmation is crippling! The beauty about God is that once you connect with Him, you can have as much intimacy as you need. You will walk away satisfied and gratified. There will be less and less of a need for the attention of others or the praises of men!

​God's approval is the only thing that matters!
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Everywhere I turned, I see a world filled with pain! The saddest thing about it? No one wants to take responsibility for their contribution to it. Despite this fact, people need to break free. Don't let your pain maker keep you locked up!

I have mentioned in previous blogs that most of what people are reeling in pain from is closely associated with their childhood experiences. I'd like to call that 'The Invisible Guest' that resides in the deep recesses of our hearts. 

The Bible clearly explains that each of us were born and shaped in sin. That means that we have a sinful nature within us that loves to sin. Psalm 51:5 says, "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity. In sin my mother conceived me."

The sin Adam and Eve committed in the Garden of Eden plunged every human being into sin. It was their sin and rebellion against God that sealed the fate of everyone born after them. That is the very reason crimes are committed, and why people are reeling from all sorts of pain and depression!

We live in a world that is shaped and molded by sin. Evil acts, violence and abuse, and a host of other ills has caused men and women, for the most part, to perpetuate its sickness. Perhaps you became a victim. 

It takes a lot of effort to deal with one's pain. It is so much easier to numb the pain with strong libations, denial, drugs, sex, and anything that feels good in the moment, but nothing takes away the pain.

Peeling back the layers of hurt and pain, and whatever caused it, is a task you can't do alone. It's a process. It's ongoing, but it is well worth the work. Take it from me, I've been on this journey for quite some time.

The first thing that a person has to do to begin the healing process is to admit that they have a problem, and that they are in pain, secondly, they must ask God for His help. Watching T.V. segments of self help shows in the media won't bring you full circle with what's troubling you. While I will admit that some of the hosts give valuable advice, and they do shine the light on the problem at hand, however, for the most part, they are giving people suggestions and advice based on worldly wisdom. 

I subscribe to the wisdom of God. Only He can bring you into complete healing! Only He can restore the years the locusts has eaten. His healing balm can fill every dark place in your heart and soul. What the talk shows can't do for you is to give you the 'Power' to make the necessary changes in your life. Power for change comes from God!

It is clear that we humans do not possess the divine ability to turn our lives around. We can't heal our own hearts, we can't get to the depths of the problem without God's enabling grace to enter into the corridors where the deep pain is. God's grace is what I call His divine ability to tolerate and bear the hard stuff while trying to evict the demons of the past. God's grace helps us to cry our way through all the muck and mire as we come face to face with  the core of the problem. God also gives His strength to hang in there as He helps us to break free from the stronghold of pain.

There is not one person on the face of this earth that has not been hurt or harmed in some way, but some of us have been deeply wounded. Wounds are God's specialty.  He's the expert at binding up wounds. I can testify to this personally.

Life is all about choices and the choice is yours as to whether or not you are ready for God to 'FIX YOUR LIFE'! Don't look to anyone else to do it for you. Trust God! He knows, He sees, and He most definitely cares!

While the world continues to be filled with pain, you can break free of yours!

                                  "CASTING ALL YOUR PROBLEMS ON HIM, FOR HE CARES FOR YOU."
                                                                                  1 Peter 5:7

2 Chronicles 15                                          Maachah, The Mother of King Asa

The king’s allegiance to God, made him go against His own mother. Usually, a leader's family gets a pass because of his position.

In the local church, the leader’s family or renown families, tend to get a pass because of their position. Things are tolerated from a leader’s family, where as others are spoken against for doing the same thing.


Reformation must begin at home. Asa honors, and respects his mother; he loves her well, but he loves God better.

Asa could have condemned his mother to death for what she did and be in the right. The law Moses’ left was that idolatry was punishable by death should any be caught.

Asa only removed his mother as queen, and destroyed the idols, and place where she had them resurrected. No more is mentioned about his mother after this incident. 

How humiliating this was for Maachah to no longer have the respect and authority as queen in Judah. How humbling was this for her. Perhaps she still remained in Asa’s kingdom, but not seen publicly as once before. This removal of her also spoke volumes to the people. She was not to have any influence in the kingdom or with the people. This served as an example before the others of how serious a matter this was.

Some leaders fail in this regard, when it comes to their own families. What example is there before the congregation if everyone sees and knows the bad behavior within the leader’s family, that is allowed to go on? Respect is lost for that leader. It is unspoken, and whispered about the place. While he may look the other way, people see and speak against him. They smile in his face, yet whisper behind his back. How sad….

When a local church sees that the leader doesn't tolerate bad behavior in his own family, they too will get the message and follow suit. But when they see hypocrisy, they won't take his ministry to heart.

In the case of King Asa, and the queen mother Maachah, the objective was that God was to be honored and obeyed! 

Perhaps there is much weakness and failure within our local churches because of failure in this area. It is important for all to understand that the entire local body of believers are impacted greatly by the few who have chosen to be carnal and disobedient.

We need more leaders who aren't afraid to hold to God's standards!